Today i read a newspaper (Sunday 早报周刊 zbw) and came across this article on page 27 : 被保护管束的妻子。
Allow me to summarize the article for you:
In one of the broadcasting radio programmes, one audience called in in the theme of 'Stressful Love in Marriage (在婚姻中被爱得压力太大) and poured out her misery. Whenever she go or who she calling, she have to ask for permission and report to her husband in precise details. She was used to it and doesn't protest against this treatment.
This is almost similar to my family.
When you see me on the phone with my friends, that call is from my dad. He is checking my movement.
There was one time i was all dressed up, my dad saw it and questioned me like a criminal as if he is the detective.
'Why you didn't mention it last night?'
'When did you wake up?'
'You expect to go out right after you wake up?'
'Who are your friends for today?'
'Their ages and their education levels?'
'Older than you, how come, where you met them?'
on and on.
Is this the basic instinct of parents to protect their young from harmful environment?
Ever since i can remember from my memory, my dad especially told us a lot of history of our grandparents, sufferings and hard works in the past. Now fast forward, it's the 21st century, and this talk has never changed a bit.
He still believe whatever happened in the last two decades (1950s,60s) will still be the same for now (2009).
Let me pick some examples:
- Get married at the age of 21 when you become a legal adult.
- Buy a house immediately once you are married.
- Get a car when you turn 18 of age.
- Have babies before the age of 28.
- Only work in the morning, never the night (biological clock)
- The first lover will be the last lover.
- No divorce.
- Fashion is the deadliest poison people have ever been across.
- Television and internet is the most dreadful invention.
- Every man must have a ROLEX watch.
- Women must do house-chord, men will be shamed if they're at it.
I have to explain some pointers:
Have babies before 28 >>> when we are 50, our children might be 22 or older, then at least we can have some grandchildren before we die. (My grandmother was 51 when i was born)
Only work in the day, not night >>> in the day people go to work properly, and people sleep at night, that's simple.
Fashion, television, internet >>> becos we have been stuck to them more than the newspapers and we always pay attention to ourselves, obsession on the new things on the market.
ROLEX >>> just like every woman wants diamond, so men want ROLEX
Women doing house-chord >>> this is a traditional mindset where men bring home the batons and women in the house serve them.
...........................................................................
I can nearly do every house-chords, from ironing clothes for myself and brother since age 10 (even now for my brother), sweeping and mopping the floor, cleaning the fan to preparing dinner with the help of mother.
I once asked my brother to boil the kettle if there isn't much watch to drink, he stared at me : You should do it, becos you are a girl, and let me warn you, dad don't do it, so neither do i. This is a girl's job lo." Off he went to the sofa with his ice coke, and having me to replenish the ice cubes, again and all the time.
Remember the VERA WANG perfume i bought at $160, i have to lie to my dad at $50. Becos he doesn't like expensive things that we cannot eat. Simply put it, bags, clothes, perfume are just materials that will go bad on the next couple years. Food will always be fresh, so dad and mum actually willing to spend more than $100 (for 2 persons) on one meal than splurging it on cosmetic products.
I can tell becos they recently have a big crab costing $50 on the table. And it's just a crab with shells. Maybe i don't know how to appreciate the taste and its beauty.
I once told you guys to come over for a home-stay and experience the life that you will never get it in the school camps or in army. Ya my brother don't feel nervous entering the NS becos he had been trained.
Just to prove to you i am not lying, i heard from one friend that i must be lying and exaggerating becos this is abnormal behaviour. Come stay at my house and you will know whether is this all a lie or suffering.
Why i kept mentioning my dad frequently? He is the one that we are afraid of, even my grandmother scared of him. He got a very fiery temper and very egoistic. If we said something that is not near to his answers (in his mind), he will bang his hand on the dinning table, too bad the top isn't made of glass.
One incident i got scolded really bad and he nearly increased my family monthly allowance. I forgot to tear off the price sticker on my CHARLES & KEITH sandal $39.90. And he roared that shoes should not be over $25, becos it will wore off sooner within one or two month. Same goes for clothes, $30 is already expensive. Hangbags, maximum $40. Although that sandal is still in perfect condition after 6 months, but i seldom wear it.
My dad have been telling us a lot of morale stories, pinpointing what kind of person will be popular (he means strict and talents like Confucius). So we are not supposed to feel pains or hurt when we meet unfortunate events in the workforce or friendships.
I feel this is all so wrong.
Lectures in class is totally different from the real thing. No one will be by our side when we messed up the data in the computer, our parents can't come to our office and explain to our boss for the mistakes.
Suddenly, i realized this is the poison, kinda side effect from my dad's lecture lessons.
One example: I bought a new SEAHORSE mattress at $200 at a discounted price after asking my parents' opinions. Back in the car, my dad questioned me why buy the $200 mattress, they are other more cheaper ones.
One moment he gave a nod and his facial expression seem very satisfying, and the next moment after i have purchased it, he dragged me into the dark cave. This is my thoughts.
I can't seem to differentiate which one is the correct answer, although each have a good reason.
Example:
This apple has rot in the middle >>> cut off the middle and eat the rest
This apple's surface has been dented >>> still cut open it and eat only the middle.
It may not be a good example, but it's all i can think of.
Everything i do, my dad's voice will surface. Not that i am having difficultly in choosing the right items but whenever i buy it, i have to find tons of excuses to face my dad. He definitely will see me in shopping bags and DEFINITELY questioned me what's in it.
There is one sentence from the song RAINBOW 彩虹 by周杰伦 :
'是我正服下的毒药‘ 。
Ok, here i go again, but at least better than the previous entries. I hope.
